The two days before Gabriel was born I was feeling increasingly more stressed and frustrated. I was worried I would never go into labor on my own. Worried I’d go too far along and the baby would be harmed. Worried I wouldn’t handle labor well and my homebirth plan would be scrapped. Scared I’d end up being induced at the hospital and would end up with an epidural and cesarean. I was racked with guilt at adding another baby to the family when Louis himself was still so young and needed me.
Everything came to an emotional upheaval the night before. I was weepy and down. I talked to Matt about it all and said to him that I felt the same way I did the night before Leah was born. A little before midnight I went to sleep trying to stay focused on waking up with only positive thoughts about what I needed to believe was going to be a wonderful birth of our little boy.
Around 5 am I woke up feeling cramp-like waves that came and went in my pelvic region, emptied my bladder and the pain increased. They weren’t too painful so I lay back down & went to sleep.
About an hour later I woke up in considerable more pain with what appeared to be regular contractions every 5-6 minutes, lasting for about 30 seconds a piece. I decided to wait and see how they went for the next hour or so to see if it was anything serious. I walked around, ate some breakfast, and cleaned the downstairs bathroom. If I was going to have a baby I was going to at least attempt to have a clean bathroom for guests to use.
As I walked around and checked my homebirth supplies the contractions were pretty steady and had become slightly more intense. My cervical mucus was darker and pink in color. Around this point I felt confident that the baby would be here in a few hours.
I woke up Matt to tell him that I was pretty sure I was in labor. Asked him to please get the kids awake and get them ready for the day. Originally I wanted to have the kids in the house while I labored and Leah there when I gave birth (it is what Leah wanted) but after discussing it with my midwife I decided against it. I was already focusing more on the kids than labor and I didn’t think it would be good to continue that way. I filled the tub and sat in it for a while to feel out the contractions and relax for a bit before calling my midwife. The surges were becoming harder to withstand and I was no longer able to talk through them.
Around 8 or so I emptied my bladder again, had some bloody show. Called my midwife Dale to tell her that my contractions were pretty regular and that I felt an increase in pressure. She told me to call her once the kids were squared away or if things became more intense.
At 9 Leah went off to camp, Louis was picked up by Matt’s parents. Matt took care of what we needed around the house and I laid in the bed rocking and swaying. I felt very hot so I kept the fan going on me. I used some pressure point massages to my temple to help me with the pain. I kept repeating affirmations over and over again, feeling the surges ride over me as best as I could.
Just as I was going to call Dale to tell her that my contractions were now closer together, lasting longer AND the pressure had intensified she called to check in on her way to her office. At first I couldn’t talk to her because I could barely talk through my contraction. She immediately turned around and headed to our house.
Dale arrived at our house not long after the phone call. At this point the only position that I could tolerate for labor was laying on my left side on the bed laying against my body pillow rocking back and forth. I just focused on riding the waves out. Each surge of pain I would picture as a wave and it just going away farther away from me. I did this for a good 20 minutes before the pressure became so intense I couldn’t lay down anymore. Dale had Matt fill up the bathtub. I asked Dale to check to see how much progress I’d made. I had a gut feeling that I was almost complete and even though I had told Dale I didn’t think I would want to be checked I found at this point I just needed to know if what I was feeling was right. I was at 9 centimeters & was almost completely effaced & the baby had moved down quite a bit. I remember thinking “This is too cool. My body is doing what it needs to do and I am feeling it!”
At about 9:30 I got into the tub. At this point time stopped existing to me. I just focused on my body and the work ahead. I lay down on my left side and rocked through the contractions. I could feel every movement the baby was making as he made his way down. I felt like the water’s swaying was moving along with the surges of pain and pressure I was feeling. I was amazed at the lack of pain. It hurt but nothing like I imagined it would. I was in another place.
As I rocked through transition Dale put cold washcloths across my forehead and warm cloth on my stomach. I was amazed at how incredible the two sensations felt and how much it helped me stay calm and breathe through the surges. Around this time Dale’s birth assistant Joelle got to the house. I felt the urge to start push and bear down and started to do just that. Dale just whispered affirmations and gave me words of support. There was no telling me what to do. She just told me to stay focused and listen to my body. Do what I felt needed to be done.
After a while I told Dale that I felt like something was in the way. I didn’t know how else to describe it. She said it was likely a cervical lip and she made a few suggestions of positions I could try that would be more effective to push past it. I tried to push in a reclining position but it didn’t feel right to me. I turned over on my hands and knees and felt the most incredible pain I had felt the entire time I was laboring. I took a deep breath and waited for the feeling to bear down and again & went through it. I just kept thinking that if I got through this then I would have the baby soon. All the while Dale and Joel did not once tell me what to do or when to push. After I pushed past the cervical lip I felt like I was done in the tub. I needed to rest. I got out of the tub and as I stood outside the tub waiting for another surge to finish I told Joel that I didn’t think I could do it. I said I couldn’t see myself pushing the baby out. She assured me that all moms feel this way at some point during their birth and that I was going to do it.
I walked over to the bed and lay down on my left side. I rocked and rested. I remember being amazed that my body let me rest. I felt no pressure, no surges, nothing. Just calm. I laid there for a good 20 minutes breathing in and out. While I rested Dale rubbed my side and back. Joelle kept me cool with washcloths. Matt stood by my side and gave me some water. They spoke softly to me, reassuring me that everything was okay, that I was doing great and that soon we’d have our little boy. They said that I would tell them what to do next and when. I laid and waited for my body to let me know.
I started to feel more pressure and this gigantic bodily urge to push. Never in my past births had I felt so completely in tune with my body. No one was talking, all present were just there to support me and I was allowed to just feel everything out.
I felt a huge movement in my pelvic area and then a sharp pain. I knew the time had come for me to push my son out. I tried to pull back on my legs but my arms weren’t having any part of it so Joelle and Dale sat at the end of the bed and let me push against their legs and thighs. I remember apologizing to them for not holding my own legs back and both of them chuckling telling me to stop being silly. The whole labor was filled with humor which I absolutely loved. I’m very sarcastic by nature and no one was bothered by it. It was such a jovial moment, I wasn’t scared or stressed at all. I was ready, I felt it. Every piece of my being was filled with this energy and I felt my body was ready.
When the next urge came to push I did just that. I felt the bag of water come out with the baby’s head right after. I rested and pushed again until his shoulders were out, then a small push for the rest of him. At 11:28 am our baby arrived earthside. My waters remained intact and my midwife Dale had to break my waters in order to bring Gabriel out. Dale pulled the caul off of him and the fluids from my sac were everywhere. I helped place him on my chest and found his eyes wide open looking up at me. Here he was waiting for me and me waiting for him. I cannot think of a moment in time that is more magical, more amazing than when you meet your baby for the first time. I felt blessed to be able to enjoy the moments right after he was born.
Dale helped aspirate his nose and mouth. Then while Dale and Joelle took care of cleaning up everything, I was left to lay there with our baby enjoying the time bonding together. Matt sat by me and we just looked at him. He was covered in thick layers of vernix. His perfect face and ten fingers and ten toes. After 10 minutes or so I placed our son on my breast and he started to nurse right away. I had never experienced this moment before with my other children. I remember being surprised at how perfect his latch was and how he knew exactly what to do. As he began to nurse I started to feel some very strong cramping and felt that it was time for my placenta to be birthed. I went ahead and gave a small push and out came my placenta. We waited until the cord stopped pulsing and some more time passed. Eventually Dale clamped the cord and Matt cut it. I was so full of joy. I could hardly believe that I had just given birth, let alone in our bedroom.
Every birth of my children has been special to me for different reasons. Gabriel’s birth brought me a sense of peace that I had not felt after my other births. His birth helped heal a broken part of me that has existed for a long time. For far too long I have not trusted my body, myself and his birth has left me feeling empowered. I feel like a I completed a journey that I’ve been on for a long time.
Gabriel Leo
Born in the caul---July 26th at 11:28 am
9 lbs 2 oz 21 inches
